Aftermath
by MaryLouJan
Summary: Sequel to Collision. You should read Collision first to understand.
1. Chapter 1

**Hey folks. Here is the sequel. I'm glad you all enjoyed Collision and was pleased how many off you actually liked it. I hope you all like the first chapter. But I gotta warn you. It's a little dark. As always, enjoy. Mary**

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Aftermath

Two weeks. It had been two weeks since Jane had been home from the hospital. And oh boy it had been nothing but an ordeal. Maura hadn't pictured out the difference between a hospital and an apartment or a house. At the hospital Jane had been so confident with the wheelchair and her exercises. Now she was in Maura's, well their home, she had problems to adjust to the lift for the first floor, the smaller bathroom, the lower bed and the obstacles like kitchen counter, sofa or dining room table. And stubborn as Jane was she refused to let her help. Although they had talked about being a family and helping Jane, she still was to proud to let her help in things that she now needed to be capable off for daily life. So Jane's mood had worsened every day. Her left arm had become stronger every day but only because Jane worked herself to death.

Maura had set up a training room in the old guestroom. The bed was gone and now there were workbenches for Jane's exercises with her personal PT. It must have cost a fortune because it looked like a well equipped gym. Steve, the PT was scheduled for 3 days a week, to get Jane's muscles back. To make her fit for the wheelchair. Steve came in the morning hours and left around noon so he was around for at least ten hours a week. That hadn't stopped Jane from doing her exercises off the book. When Maura looked for Jane she always found her in her room, like she now used to call it.

Maura guessed it all started with the car ride back. Due to Jane's accident she had suffered a severe trauma which had caused a post traumatic stress disorder. When they had approached Maura's Prius Jane had started to panic and it took over half an hour to calm her down enough for the short ride back to their place. Jane even had tried to talk Frankie into walking, well wheeling back to Maura's but Maura and Frankie had talked her out of it. Angela had just stood by and for the first time since the accident noticed how broken her daughter really was.

After they had arrived at home Jane had been agitated and just wanted to lay down, alone. Maura had granted her the wish and Frankie had brought up his sister into their bedroom for Jane to lay down. She even had let him carry her up the stairs, didn't want to see how the lift works; nothing. She just wanted to be alone. The whole Rizzoli family had been worried and they knew their worry wouldn't stop so soon.

After two days at home Stephanie came by the first time to help Jane a little with her hygiene. Now that someone was there, Maura had used this opportunity to go some grocery shopping and had left both women alone. Stephanie and Jane had talked for over an hour about Jane's feelings and thoughts towards the whole situation. Stephanie understood every single thing Jane had mentioned. Had she seen it with many other patients before? When Maura had come back Jane and Stephanie most like had disappeared into the bathroom for at least another hour. The nurse had helped Jane to adjust to Maura's bathroom how to get into the tub or the shower how to clean herself out without any other help and to use the single use catheter. Stephanie had been a great help at the hospital and now she was a great help at home.

Even though Jane grew accustomed to the whole new situation she also grew more and more frustrated. She still clung to the thought of being able to walk again but every day she woke up and nothing had changed, her anger towards her own body grew stronger and bigger. Maura had noticed and almost every day tried to talk some sense into her lover but stubborn like Jane was she didn't really listen to what Maura had to say. She knew that Jane feared the worst, she did too, but they had to take baby steps.

Maura knew everything about paralysis. She knew that a jammed spinal cord could heal and the feeling could come back but she had also read that it was an independent process. Every patient had its own recovery time. Some of the reports she had read told her that Jane could be back on her feet in several weeks when the feeling came back, others told her that it could take several years. One man even regained only some of his feelings back, so that he had to use crutches for lifetime. And then there were also the ones who had never regained feelings back. That's what Maura feared the most. She knew Jane had to get back on her feet, but the longer it took, the lesser her chances became.

Maura had stayed home for the first week and had started working from home the second week. Pike drove the whole precinct crazy with his style of "work". Maura had never liked him but he was, after her, the best for this work. Korsak and Barry had come to visit Jane a few days after her release from the hospital but Jane had refused to see them. Barry still felt guilty about what had happened but both, Korsak and Maura had tried to convince him that he couldn't have stopped the accident from happening. Both detectives found out that the truck driver suffered from narcolepsy, which he hadn't even noticed himself. It came out at the recheck of Harry Winster. So it was for Jane to press charges against him because he hadn't been responsible at that very moment. The only thing they had made sure off was that his driver's license was taken away. Maura had told Jane about the information she had gotten from Frost and Korsak but she hadn't even thought about pressing any charges, even if it meant that he had to pay for life. So Maura had dropped the topic for the time being, waiting for Jane to return to her senses but she could wait long as it seemed.

The whole day Jane was in the gym. She worked on her breast and arm muscles to be able to lift herself without any help. She knew she needed the strength now that those replaced her legs. Maura had been sitting in the kitchen looking over some case files she had requested from a current case. Angele had been by in the morning to look after her two girls but got the same information she got every day. Jane was working out. It seemed as if Jane wanted to punish her body for not responding.

Maura had just sighed and told Angela to come by later if she wanted to.

It was after nine o'clock when Maura heard the lift. Jane had already showered and wore a pair of jeans and a BPD sweater. Her hair was still damp. Maura looked away when Jane managed herself into the second, outdoor wheelchair Maura had bought her. For the upper rooms she had bought a normal hospital chair so Jane didn't need to take it up every time they went upstairs.

"Hey" Jane greeted Maura and wheeled herself over to the kitchen counter. Maura smiled down at her and gave her a kiss on the wet hair.

"Hey yourself." She whispered and squeezed Jane's shoulder. They hadn't really spoken to each other, because every conversation they had started had ended up in yelling and tears, well at least Maura's tears.

"How was your work out?" Maura asked to end the awkward silence that had formed. Jane wheeled over to the fridge and grabbed one of the few beers she had requested from Frankie. Another topic they had argued about because Jane still took pain meds even if it was a low dosage. Maura shook her head and closed her eyes.

"Good." Was Jane's short response, opened the bottle and took a big swig. She placed the bottle between her legs and made her way towards the couch.

"Jane." Maura started and went after her. "You know that…" but she was cut off by her girlfriend.

Jane turned the chair around and gazed at Maura.

"You what?" she growled and took another swig. "Don't like that I drink beer? Well guess what" Jane snapped. " I don't like being in this." She gestured towards the chair and shifted a little. "But right now I can't change it, can you?" Her eyes were filled of sorrow and anger. Maura understood Jane, she really did, but drowning herself in alcohol wasn't the solution.

"Jane please." Maura started and walked over to Jane but was cut of once again.

"No Maura, just no. Let me be. I can't and won't handle this right now. It doesn't work. Nothing works. So let me pity myself until I can handle this whole being paralyzed stuff." She turned around and settled herself onto the couch without any problems.

"But Jane, you were so confident at the hospital. I thought you…" but she didn't finish the sentence. Anger swelled now in Jane up and she turned around.

"You thought what Maura? That I come home and don't think about all that? Being paralyzed? You know what Maura, I'm the one in a wheelchair. I'm the one who can possibly think of retirement from BPD. I'm the one whose life has changed totally. I'm the one who feels useless. I'm the one that was made a cripple." Jane now yelled. She hadn't noticed that Maura had approached her. And she certainly hadn't imagined what would happen now. Maura, tears falling free slapped her in the face. Jane was stunned and so was Maura about her action but Maura was the one who composed faster.

"Don't you dare think you are alone in this." She growled, anger now rising within her. "We are all her Jane. Your mother comes every day to see you but you are up in that god damn room working yourself to whatever. You refuse to let us help you with this situation." She took a deep breath and continued "How do you think I feel about all this Jane? I love you so much that it hurts and seeing you hurt doesn't make it any easier for both of us, don't you think?" Jane still sat there her flat hand against her face where Maura just had slapped her.

"I'm worried sick, Jane" Maura spat and paced in front of the couch. "Not only for your physical health but also your psychological. You refuse to talk to me, to eat enough to let me at least know you won't starve yourself. You work out more than an extreme athlete. I don't know what to think of all that." She stopped and ran a hand through her honey blond hair and sighed. She hadn't noticed that Jane had changed into her wheelchair. "Please let us in Jane, let us help you. Talk to me please." Maura now begged and choked back her tears.

Jane just shook her head and ran a hand over her face. The beer bottle now emptied she placed it on the coffee table.

"I can't Maura." She simply said and wheeled towards the door. She grabbed her jacket from the rack and put it on. Maura walked up behind her and grabbed the handles of Jane's chair.

"Where are you going?" she asked, fear in her voice. Jane opened the door. "For a wheel." She replied sarcastically. Maura shook her head and let go off the handles.

"Don't you think it's a little late for that Jane?" she asked, pulling on her own jacket. Jane noticed and turned at the doorstep.

"No it is not. I just need some time alone outside of this house." She sighed and noticed Maura's worries for her. "It won't be long. I promise." With those words Jane wheeled down the porch and left Maura standing in the doorway. Maura closed the door and sat back down on the kitchen counter. She wasn't sure if it was right to let Jane leave like that. But Jane was too stubborn to let her allow coming along with her.

After an hour Maura was worried sick. She called Jane's cell phone and heard it vibrating on the coffee table. _Damn you_ Maura though and dropped down on the couch. So she called Frost to inform him that Jane was wandering around in the city, well wheeling around in the city. He told her he would go out looking for her while Maura waited at home for Jane's return. It wasn't short after their call when Barry called her back.

"Dr. Isles." Maura greeted the unknown number.

"Maura?" she heard Barry ask on the other line of the phone.

"Did you find her?" she asked fear creeping up her back.

"Yes, I did but…" she heard him sigh and waited. "Can you please come down to the fifth precinct?"

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**A cliff I know, but I gotta keep you entertained, not bored.**

**Reviews welcomed.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Wow. I'm impressed about how many follow this story after only one chapter^^. I'm glad you guys like it. Her the second one. I hope you all like it. Let me know. Mary**

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Chapter 2

The ride wasn't very long. The fifth precinct belonged to the district of Beacon Hill. Maura's heart raced when she had driven there. Worst case scenarios went through her head. Jane had killed someone in her rage. But she had to admit that she was sort of relieved that she had to come to the police station and not the hospital again. That meant Jane was at least physically fine.

It was short after 11 p.m. when Maura arrived at the station. Frost stood on the sidewalk and waved her. She stopped right in front of the station and got out of her car.

"What has happened Barry?" she asked worried and locked her car. Frost's emotions were kind of funny Maura noticed. He was indeed smirking. Then he chuckled.

"She drunk of her ass with a very cheap and crappy whiskey and" he ran hand over his face and laughed "assaulted a police officer." Maura's eyes widened in shook. She couldn't believe what she just had heard.

"Excuse me?" she asked Frost and he went for an extended explanation while they went in. He opened the door for her and she stepped through it.

"Well," Frost started "They found her by the Charles River. I don't know how she got there that fast but well she did. She even managed to buy a bottle of booze at a gas station." When they reached the clerk Frost stopped.

"We would like to see Detective Rizzoli." He said matter-o-factly. "Officer Mathews told me you have her in a drunk cell." At the mention of the word "drunk cell" Maura gasped and clasped a hand over her mouth. She was shocked to know that Jane was capable of all that.

The other Officer just nodded and signed them to follow him. They went through some corridors into the back of the building and then into the basement, where all the cells, holding or drunk cells were.

They stopped in front of a steal door with only a small window in the middle of it. Maura shook her head.

"How can you?" she asked the Officer in a cold tone and pushed him aside to look through that small opening. She gasped at what she saw. The mostly composed and good looking Detective sat slumped on the bed her paralyzed legs dangling from the bedside. Her eyes looked like those of a bewildered animal and they were blood shot. The raven hair looked like a wild mane. She was clearly drunk and Maura didn't want to know how exactly. What shocked her the most was the fact that they had stripped her of her shoes, the hoddie, even her socks and her bra. She knew it was for her safety. She had seen people commit suicide with a lace but it still shocked her to see her Jane like that. Now in a wheelchair she was able to get up to nonsense then before.

"Would you please open the door?" she asked the Officer in a tone that would have been able to freeze the great pond. The Officer, a good very handsome young man, Maura had noticed earlier, looked over to Frost who only nodded his approval. So he complied and unlocked the big door. Maura immediately stepped in but didn't step right to Jane; she was too angry at the women in front of her. How could she be so reckless, Maura asked herself.

"Don't" Jane slurred and looked up like a beaten puppy. Maura was irritated and only stood there.

"You…" Jane started and tried to hold her balance as she leaned off the wall to stand up. "You shouldn't be here." Maura smelled the booze, even if she was at least 5 foot away from Jane. Jane pushed herself up on her feet only to fall to the floor immediately. Maura was at her side in an instant and crouched down to help Jane but she only held up a hand.

"Don't" then a hiccup. "work." She slightly chuckled and looked up to Maura. "I forgot." She said bitter. Maura's heart broke into million pieces at the sight in front of her. Jane crouched to the floor, her legs somewhere beneath her, propped up on her right hand. Maura reached out and grabbed Jane by the shoulder but she just shuffled back from the touch as if she just had been burned. Jane grabbed her legs and pulled them up in front of her, to make her as small as possible.

"Don't touch me Maur." Jane slurred. "I don't deserve to…" she trailed off. She looked up into love and sorrow filled hazel eyes only to notice the tear tracks on Maura's cheeks.

"You gonna punish me?" Jane asked in a serious tone. Maura just shook her head no.

"No Jane, I'm going to take you home." She said in a soft tone burying her anger and hurt for a conversation that would follow. Jane waved her hand in front of her. "NO" she yelled. Both, Maura and Barry who meanwhile had stepped into the cell were taken aback.

"No you can't take her." Came another voice from the door. It was the young Officer who hadn't left. "She assaulted my colleague. She will be charged with assault in the morning, well when she slept of her drunk ass." He stated simply. Barry walked over to the Officer, clearly angry at what would happen to Jane.

"Can't you see that she hurt? You picked her up drunken at the Charles in a wheelchair, dammit. I don't wanna know what you said that provoked her to assault Officer Mathews." Barry, smaller then Officer Korvác stood face to face and looked up, anger written all over his face.

"Don't Barry," came from Jane and she looked up. "Just don't. I deserve…" but she was cut off by her former partner.

"No Jane you don't deserve any of this and it is my fault it all happened. So please just once shut up and let me help you." The young detective pleaded. Jane just shook her head but didn't say anything further. Barry once turned around to the Officer.

"You will bring her chair now. Then you gonna tell your partner that there will no charges be pressed, do you understand?" he asked. "This is fellow Detective Jane Rizzoli you have here on the floor lying. This woman has been through hell and back the last six weeks so go and get that damn chair here immediately or I will take this up to the brass." Barry now yelled and looked after Officer Korvác running up to get Jane's stuff. He turned around to see Jane asleep in Maura's arms. He smiled at that sight and crouched down. He knew both Maura and Jane must be exhausted so he took hold of Jane's legs and wrapped an arm around her shoulder only to lift her up. Maura got of off the cold floor and straightened her clothes.

"You don't have to carry her Barry." Maura said and wiped her tears away. But he was out of the cell before she could finish the sentence. She shook her head and followed the black Detective. She was glad that she had called him. She just didn't understand why Jane had done all this. Why would she drink so much and then assault an Officer? She was a cop after all. She desperately wanted to know why Jane was so withdrawn, angry and depressed. She knew it was hard to cope all that had happened but why was it so hard to think positive?

When they reached the clerk both arresting Officers stood at the desk. Jane's stuff in the wheelchair.

Both Officers' didn't say a word when Barry left the building with Jane in his arms followed by Maura, wheeling the chair.

Maura stored the wheelchair and Jane's stuff in the trunk of the Prius. Meanwhile Barry managed to get Jane on the backseat without disturbing her sleep. She was out like a light. The hangover will kill her in the morning Barry thought and chuckled slightly. When Jane and her chair were in the trunk Barry toke the car keys from Maura who was as exhausted as Jane was.

"I'll drive you both home and catch a cab back." He said and opened the door for Maura to get in the car. She complied and he closed the door. When Barry was seated he buckled in his seatbelt and they drove off. Jane lay on the backseat, her wild mane over her face, slightly snoring. After several deep breaths Barry broke the silence.

"I'm so sorry Maura. I never meant all of this to happen. If I just…" he started but was interrupt when Maura gently laid her hand on his forearm to silence him.

"No Barry, please stop blaming yourself, please. It wasn't your fault; I don't want to hear that anymore from you. If it hadn't been Jane driving it would be you in that chair." She sighed and ran a hand through her hair.

"I don't know what happened. She was so confident when we left the hospital but since she is at home it not only got bad it gets worse every day. She shuts me out, she doesn't talk to me anymore only to Stephanie who comes by twice a week." Silent tears escaped her eyes and she angrily wiped them away.

"And when I ask Stephanie what they talk about she only says it isn't her place to tell. I should talk to Jane but that is what I try, Barry, every day." Barry took her hand in his and squeezed it for support. He didn't interrupt her, so she continued.

"When we talk we end up yelling at each other. She is always so angry, barely eats, drinks every evening and works from early morning to late evening in her little gym. I think she is in pain but she never tells me. At nights she sometimes tosses around but I'm afraid if I wake her she will be angry at me." Maura hadn't noticed that they now stood in front of their house and Barry just let her talk.

"Stephanie said that it is normal for paraplegics to go home confident even if they are paralyzed for life and then break down in the first week or two because they have to learn everything new and adjust to a new life but Jane has done all that. I don't know why she is like she is" she sighed and looked over to the backseat where Jane was sleeping off her booze.

"You know, there is a series on TV about four paraplegic women. They are so confident and beautiful and…" she trailed off. Barry took both of her hands in his and gently rubbed circles with his thumb on her backside.

"Maybe, when Jane wakes up in the morning, having, let's say a hell of a hangover, and you tell her what happened, maybe she finally realizes that she needs to talk to you. Because if it is one thing I know, Jane doesn't like it when you hurt and this you can tell her, was all her own fault. Show her that tomorrow." Maura sighed and dropped her head.

"I already did, Barry. I slapped her right before she left. She should know that not only she is hurting." Barry squeezed her hand and embraced her in a hug. "Tell her." Was his only response.

They both got out of the car and Maura opened the front door for Frost to carry Jane in while she unloaded the chair and Jane's clothes from the Prius. Barry went straight upstairs to the bedroom and laid Jane on the bed. When he came down they said their goodbyes and she watched him walking down the alley calling for a cab.

Maura went upstairs and got herself ready for bed. After she had changed into her pajamas she unclothed Jane and tugged her in. When she lay down next to Jane she kissed her forehead.

"Tomorrow, honey, we are going to talk." She whispered and turned off the bedside lamp.

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**Reviews are welcomed and I promise there will be sunshine ;-)**


	3. Chapter 3

**Here we are, another one. I'm not quite satisfied with it. Let me know what you think. Mary**

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Chapter 3

When Jane woke the next morning the sun was shining brightly through the cream colored curtains. She didn't know how she got into bed let alone home. She slightly opened her eyes and groaned at the light. Her head pounded like she had slept under a bulldozer. _What the_… she thought and shifted onto her back as good as she could. Immediately nausea hit her like a ton of bricks. She squeezed her eyes shut and buried her head in her hands. She took a deep breath to hold her feeling to vomit at bay. When she opened her eyes again she blinked several times to adjust to the light and glance over at the nightstand. _10:18_ the clock read. Slowly she propped up against the headboard and ran a hand through her wild untamed mane. She rubbed her temples as if it would help to get rid of the hangover and retrieve the lost events of the night before. It seemed to help because her memories came back in a blur_. Crap_ she thought when it hit her full speed. She sighed.

"Good morning" came a voice from the door and Jane slightly jumped. It was Maura standing in leaned against the doorway her arms crossed over her chest. Her expression was cold and Jane gulped.

"Hey" Jane whispered and bowed her head in shame. She knew exactly what she had done.

"There is Tylenol and a glass of water on the nightstand for you. I _guessed_ you could need it." Maura's voice was thick with hurt and anger, trying to hold it at bay. But she failed. She pushed herself away from the doorway turned on her heels and was out in an instant.

Jane just sat there stunned at Maura's behavior. She glanced over at the nightstand and grabbed the pills and the water and gulped it down. "You are such a dumbass, Rizzoli." She muttered to herself as she grabbed her legs and pulled them up to sat on the bedside. She took hold of the chair, pushed herself up and pulled her lower body with her upper body's strength into the wheelchair. When she was all sat she took a deep breath to suppress the nausea and wheeled herself out of the bedroom. Before she could talk to Maura, even if it was urgent she first had to go through her morning routine. She hated that she know needed at least twenty minutes to go to the toilette but she was grateful that her body had adjusted to that routine as much as she had though that it wouldn't take an hour, like it was at the hospital.

When she was cleared out and dressed again, she brushed her teeth to get rid of that taste of whiskey she still tasted on her tongue. The whole morning routine was finished after about half an hour. She felt a little better but feared the conversation that was to come. She sat back in the wheelchair and left the bathroom.

When the lift came down Maura was in the kitchen making coffee. Her mother also sat on one off the bar stools reading the newspaper and nipping on her coffee. When Jane saw her mother she sighed. _Great, back up for Maura… _She didn't really want to have this conversation with Maura but with Maura _and _her mother was an absolute no-go right now. She took hold of her Red Sox wheelchair pushed herself into it and settled her feet on the foot rest. Then she loosened the breaks and wheeled over to the kitchen counter. Maura just looked up from her task and nodded. Angela, well Angela was Angela.

"Oh Janie, what did you do this time?" she asked in a demanding but worried tone. "When I came in this morning I found Maura crying on the couch." She crossed her arms in front of her and waited for Jane to respond. Jane groaned.

"Really, Ma? Why do you think it is always my fault, huh?" she asked and threw her hands up in the air to underline her statement. Angela raised her left eyebrow and crooked her head.

"Because experience shows me though." Angela just shook her head grabbed her cup of coffee and the newspaper and walked over to Maura. She gave her kiss on the cheek and whispered something Jane could make out. Maura smiled slightly and nodded in response. Jane's eyes widened in shock, to see her girlfriend and mother so close after everything that had happened.

"So you two now ganged up against me?" Jane asked trying to lighten the mood a little. Maura turned around and shook her head.

"No Jane, but it appears that we have the same opinion about your recent behavior and we both worry." Maura's tone was so cold that Jane felt the temperature fall. She made her way over to the couch and sat down without saying another word. Jane gulped and wheeled over to the coffee machine. _Shit_, Jane thought_, I can't reach the cupboard_. She bowed her head.

"Maura could you…?" Jane started but was cut off by Maura.

"You better should drink water to rehydrate." There was a pause. "You should know that by now Jane." Maura finished and flipped through some files she had requested. Jane gulped and grabbed a water bottle from the fridge. She opened it and took a big sip. It felt good but a coffee would feel better right now. She placed the bottle between her legs and wheeled over to Maura.

"I made an appointment for you." Maura broke the silence then. Jane looked shocked up and knew what would come now. "Dr. Zimmermann is a really good psychotherapist. He will come by tomorrow afternoon." She said simply and went on going through the case file. Jane closed her eyes and sighed. She wheeled closer to the couch to sit next to Maura but stopped when Maura's icy glare met Jane's eyes. Jane whined.

"Maur, please… You know I hate those shrinks." Jane moaned and looked down on her hands in her lap.

Maura sighed and the tension between the both women loosened up a bit.

"I know you do Jane." She said, closed the case file on the coffee table and leaned against the back of the couch. "But you won't talk. Your behavior gets worse every day and last night was…" she stopped and ran a hand through her honey blond hair. Jane bowed her head in shame then she looked up.

"You're mad at me, right?" Jane asked nervously and ran a hand over her face. Maura just shook her head in disbelief.

"Yes I am mad at you Jane, but I am also worried. I had to get you out of a drunk cell last night. And on top of that you also assaulted an Officer. You can thank Barry for getting you out and dropping the charges against you." Jane winced when she heard the extent of what had happened after she had passed out.

"I don't know what got into you. I don't know what is going on with you. I just don't know Jane. And that drives me crazy. I know this whole situation is hard, very hard. I hardly can imagine how it feels to be you right now." Maura said, trying to hold her composure. "Talk to me, please Jane. You endangered yourself and others last night; you should know what that means."

And she knew, Maura easily could admit Jane to a mental hospital. She had endangered herself and she had hurt another person in a very drunken state. And if she told that Dr. Zimmermann, a person Jane wasn't happy to meet, he would give his consent. She sighed.

"I'm sorry Maur." She started and took a deep breath. She knew she had to talk to Maura or otherwise she had a bigger problem other than a mad girlfriend. "It's just hard. It really is." Jane looked up into a worry stricken face.

"Why do you drink Jane?" Maura asked out of a sudden and patted the couch to sign Jane to sit there but Jane shook her head no. If she would tell Maura she needed to stay distant, to be able not to break down.

"I…" Jane started but was interrupted once again by her lover.

"I mean you often drink one or two beer after a case. There is nothing to say about, but there are no cases Jane and you drink five to six beers now every evening. Why?" Her question seemed to be more of a rhetorical fund so Jane waited for Maura to continue. "I understand that this situation is hard and I don't mind a beer or two for dinner." Maura looked up and met Jane's hurt expression.

"I drink because…" Jane grew uncomfortable and wined in her wheelchair. She couldn't get up and run like she always did. She had to face it. She took a deep breath.

"I drink so I can sleep." She whispered and fumbled with the cap of the water bottle. Maura frowned. _Sleep?_ She asked herself _but Jane sleeps through the nights doesn't she?_

"The first days were horror. I woke up every night from the same dream. I didn't want to concern you and wake you up. So I decided to take a few beers to relax and from that on I managed to sleep through, well not every night but mostly." Jane looked down ashamed of what she had just confessed. "And I wouldn't wake up with those damn headaches."

Maura gasped at Jane's confession. How could she have forgotten the head injury? How could she have not seen Jane's pain and hurt? How could she have not woken up at nights when Jane had night terrors? She shook her head in disbelief at her and mentally kicked herself.

"I'm so sorry Jane. I had no idea..." she said but Jane waved her off.

"How could you, we didn't talk, well, I didn't talk, so it is not your fault, it is mine." Maura took hold of Jane's hand and gently squeezed it.

"What are those nightmares about and how often are you in pain?" she asked concerned.

"Well mostly about the accident, but it's not always about me. Sometimes it's you who is involved. And that scares the shit out of me." She shook her head to get rid of those pictures that haunted her in her sleep. "For the pain, I'm always in pain, my ribs still hurt and I have headaches almost every day. I know I should have told you." She said when she saw Maura's gaze. "But I didn't want to worry you, you know?" Jane now tried to comfort Maura by rubbing gentle circles on the back of her hands when they sat there across each other, soothing each other's pain. Jane grew silent and sighed. Then she looked up.

"Do you love me Maura?" she asked childlike, hoping not to get rejected. Maura's eyes widened in shock. _How could she think that?_

"Of course I love you Jane, why would you think different?" she asked bringing Jane's hands up to her mouth kissing them gently. Jane withdrew them from her grasp and wheeled herself further away from Maura.

"How can you love me?" she asked and looked at a certainly confused doctor. "I mean, look at me. I'm a paraplegic. I have no job. I have to rely on others to come around. We've never had sex and I know how important this is to you Maura. I…" but Maura cut her off.

"Jane, hey look at me." They gazes met each other. "You don't need a job to be you. You, well, I don't need you to be able to walk and for the sex, you are still able to have sex with me and the other way around, there is no need to worry, honey." She said gently and took hold of Jane's cheeks. A single tear had escaped and now mad its way down.

"I wanted to marry you and have kids." Jane whispered and hung her head but Maura cupped her chin and she looked up.

"Still possible. You just have to have faith Jane, and even if, I hope it won't happen, you stay paralyzed, I won't love you less. You, Jane Rizzoli, are the love of my life and nothing will change that, okay?" Jane only nodded. She grabbed Maura by her hand and pulled her onto her lap, embracing her, burying her head into her chest.

"But I wanted to walk down the aisle." She whispered and Maura chuckled slightly. She kissed the crown of Jane's head and looked down.

"Even if you wheel down the aisle, I never would say no." Jane smiled at that comment and leaned into Maura. "And for the sex…" Maura started and blushed a little. "I can show you how to do that. I just read an article…" Jane groaned and threw her hands up in the air.

"Way to kill romance, Dr. Isles." She chuckled and kissed the dumbfounded ME on the lips. It was a passionate but slow, demanding but loving kiss and both enjoyed the ability of sharing it. When air became a need both broke apart and Jane smirked at Maura mischievously.

"Show me what you read, Dr. Isles."

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**Review please... **


	4. Chapter 4

**Here I am once again... well I'm sorry for the delay but becoming a teacher for math and chemistry isn't as easy as I thought and it won't change for the next five years! I don't know what I got myself into... -.- Well here another fluffy one. I hope you enjoy it. Mary**

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Chapter 4

Jane just lay there, still panting from what she had just experienced. She had, although she had no feelings beneath her belly button, just had an orgasm. It's not that it was something uncommon. She has had them with previous partner, if they were able to satisfy her in that way. But what Maura just did was something completely different. She was pretty sure she had to satisfy Maura when she read about paraplegics having sex. But after doing her part, which wasn't as uncomfortable as she had thought Maura had straddled her lap and started kissing her chest breasts nipples. Jane was immediately aware of a hot sensation building in her lower abdomen, rushing towards her center; arousal. Although she hadn't movement down there, Maura discovered several small parts of her body she still had sensation in. So her inner left labia. It was weird for Jane to feel certain spots like her right hip and the inner side of her left knee knowing the rest was movement- and motionless.

Maura had been gentle, but on the other side explored Jane's body like a typical scientist she was. When Maua had plunged her tongue through Jane's folds and got a response she was happy to be able to not only share the orgasm with Jane but what lead to it.

Now they lay there tangled in a white sheet, Jane on her back and Maura half on her tracing the ten inch long scar between Jane's firm small breasts.

"How…" she breathed trying to get back her composure. Maura chuckled slightly and placed a small kiss on Jane's lips.

"You mean how is it possible for you to feel me touching you down there and having an orgasm?" Maura looked deep into those still dark brown orbs and smiled. Jane could only respond with a nod.

"The nerve ends beneath your broken vertebras are definitively dysfunctional and aren't able to give any information from your brain towards their effector. So, for example, you can't really control your bladder and your intestines anymore." Jane understood all that. It was like cutting a cable for a lamp. The lamp couldn't receive any more electricity. But if it was cut how could there possibly be any movement or sensation? Maura resumed.

"On every vertebra leave those so called nerve ends. The come from the spinal cord and leave for e certain effector, so for example the bladder, the kidneys, a certain amount of skin and so on. But there are nerve ends above your actual broken vertebras. That means they are functional. So, if they have an effector below your injury, this effector still works. So if it means those nerves respond to sensation you actual can feel, or move." Jane's eyes widened. She had absolutely no idea how the central nerve system of a human being actually worked.

"There are studies that show that quadriplegics, those who are paralyzed from down their neck, actual still can move their shoulders or even the arms because they may have the cord cut at C6, which means the second vertebra from below. So the nerves that control movement and sensation of the shoulders or even the arms come out at C5 or C4, those who are still functional." Jane looked at her in disbelief.

"That means the parts I feel are controlled by nerves above my injured cord?" Jane asked carful. Maura smiled and nodded.

"That is correct Jane." Maura straddled Jane's lap once again and started kissing along the scar. It was one more indicator for Jane's survival. Jane had survived a car accident she actually, according to statistics, she should have died. Maura had been more than grateful that the outcome was better than actually hoped. Jane was in a wheelchair, yes and it was tragic, but due to her brain injury Jane could have been more handicapped then she was right now. Something Jane still needed to process. To be grateful for living her life like it was now.

"Hey, hey there stud." Jane chuckled and grabbed Maura to kiss her. "I just had and orgasm, a very intense one, which by the way I wanted to thank you for." She grabbed Maura behind her neck and pulled her down for a passionate kiss. When they broke apart Maura smirked like a child on Christmas morning before opening the presents. Jane leaned a little further back to read Maura's facial expression. "What?" she asked and smiled.

"Nothing. " Maura replied and lay down on Jane's chest. Jane started to stroke Maura's head and played with her hair. She kissed her behind the ear. "Tell me what you think." Jane whispered and kissed her once again. Maura sighed and grew circles around Jane's nipple.

"It's just that I'm glad to have you back. Not only physically but also mentally Jane." Jane kissed her again on the crown on her head and sighed.

"I know Maur. I have been a total jerk. And I am so sorry for it. You deserve so much better." Maura immediately shot up, a bewildered look on her face. She knew Jane had issues being with her. Dr. Maura Isles the Chief Medical Examiner of Boston, daughter of a wealthy family background, rated as a genius with an IQ of 161 and absolutely stunning. And she was absolutely wrong if Jane thought like that.

"No Maura, I didn't mean it like that. I managed to get over that" she chuckled slightly but grew immediately serious. "I know it was hard for you over the past few weeks and I haven't been able to thank you for that properly." Maura wanted to interrupt but Jane waved her off. "Yes, I need to thank you because of all you've been through, too. I barely can imagine how you must have felt all the time." Maura now sat straight in Jane's abdomen and started fidgeting with her hands. Jane gently took Maura's hands in hers and kissed them. "Hey, look at me Maura." She said and cupped her chin. Maura took a deep breath and tried to hold back the tears that threatened to fall.

"You… you almost died Jane. I almost lost you…" she whispered. Jane flinched a little at Maura's words and wiped a tear from her cheek.

"Hey, look at me honey. I'm good as new. Look." She gestured over her body. "Well there still is missing an amount of hair and my chest and my belly look like a Frankenstein project, oh and I use wheels instead of my legs but I live, Maura. I'm alive." Jane smiled at Maura and tried to reassure her of her words. "I know that now. I know that I am grateful that I am alive, even if I have to be in a chair for the rest of my life." Maura wanted to say something but Jane lay a finger on her lips. "Shhhh. I know that you will do everything to get me back on my feet but I promise you I won't fall apart anymore." Hope and love spread all over Maura's face and she leant down to kiss Jane.

"I know that Jane. I knew you would come around eventually but I never would have thought of the way you took. I was so scared for you, for me, for us. You weren't really yourself since we got home and that just terrified me because I've never seen you like that before." Maura sighed and pushed herself off of Jane to sit next to her. Jane pulled herself up against the headboard.

"It won't happen again Maura. To be honest, okay it sucks being in this" she signed over to her chair, "but it is better than not being with you. And I promise to make those last two weeks up to you." Maura leaned against Jane and drew along the scar on her chest. "As if I haven't had enough scars." She chuckled slightly. "But a little bird told me that a certain ME admires me for those." Maura slapped her playful on the chest and shook her head.

"Hey, what was that for?" Jane asked in a hurt tone.

"You are unbelievable" she said and smiled.

"I think you already told me so." Jane watched Maura stand up and leave for the bathroom. Damn that was a sight. Even if she had imagined her first time with Maura in a totally different way she had very enjoyed it. Having sex as a paraplegic was possible and pleasurable. Maura turned around in the doorframe and leaned against it.

"Do you want to go to the shower first or do you want something to eat?" she asked and let her gaze linger over Jane's naked frame. Even as a handicapped she admired Jane's muscularity. It wasn't that she looked like a female body builder, quite the opposite, Jane was lean and lanky but with firm muscles and a totally sexy abdomen. Jane realized that Maura was devouring her with her eyes.

"Hey honey, stop drooling yourself." She laughed and threw a pillow at Maura. "How about you take a shower and meet me in the kitchen. I feel like watching a good movie and having dinner with my beautiful girlfriend." Maura smiled at her and hurried to the major bathroom. "Oh and Maura, take your time."

When Jane heard the bathroom door close, she lifted herself into her chair and wheeled over to the dresser, grabbed a baggy shirt and a sport pants and wheeled over to the bed again. Her physical therapist had shown her how to dress the easiest way and that was on the bed. She propped her legs up and managed first the left and then the right leg into her pants. When she was finished she pulled over her shirt and got back into the chair. She made her way down with the lift and switched chairs downstairs. She wheeled over to the kitchen and rummaged around the fridge. When she finally found everything she needed she placed everything in her lap and made her way over to the stove. Right now she was very grateful that Maura stored her pots and pans in the lower cupboards. She hadn't worked in the kitchen since the accident. The only way always led to the fridge and the stored beer in it. But not this evening. This night she would stay sober and stick to soda.

She grabbed a pot for the spaghetti and a pan for the sauce. Due to the fact that she was taller than Maura the kitchen was at a normal height but her chair was especially designed for her, so it was a little higher because of her long legs. So she had no problem in reaching the stove.

While everything was cooking she set the tables as good as she could. _Shit_ she thought _dishes and glasses are in the upper cupboards. Crap._ She hung her head and sighed. She wheeled over and placed the silverware and the napkins on the table. She didn't notice Maura until she approached her from behind and placed her hands on Jane's shoulders. Jane was startled.

"You cooked?" Maura asked surprised and kissed Jane on the crown of her head. She wheeled around and looked up at her.

"Yeah, I thought I could start making it up to you by cooking us dinner. Well it isn't…" But Maura cut her off.

"You cooked Jane, that's amazing." She leaned down and kissed Jane on her lips only to notice that something was wrong. She took a step back and looked questioning at her. Jane sighed.

"I couldn't get the dishes so if you…" she stopped when Maura started to laugh.

"Oh Jane of course I can do that. Let me get the rest and I join you at the table. She just nodded and wheeled over to the dining room. Maura meanwhile finished two dishes with Italian pasta and joined Jane only seconds later. They ate and Maura mentioned at least three times how delicious it was. After their dinner Maura cleaned the dishes and stored the left overs in the fridge while Jane looked up a movie they hadn't watched yet. She decided for a romantic comedy called the Vow. When both were finished they settled on the couch. Jane's head propped up in Maura's lap they silently watched the movie both grateful for this moment to share.

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**I hope you all liked it and if you wanna know about women in wheelchairs and their lives you should watch "Push Girls" ;-)**

**Reviews welcomed**


	5. Chapter 5

**Sorry for the delay but I've had some health issues and now its college keeping me from writing. I'm terribly sorry. It isn't much but it is something. Mary**

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Chapter 5

This night's sleep was interrupted by Jane's reoccurring night terrors. She hadn't had her usual beer or Jack for dinner so there was no alcohol induced sleep. It had taken her over two hours to finally fall asleep and less than those two to wake up panting sweating and trashing around. Due to the lack of alcohol the nightmare had been a lot worse than the others before she had started drinking herself into oblivion. Maura, a usual deep sleeper with a very accurate sleep pattern had woken up from Jane's trembling and crying. She had been shocked to see Jane lick that and started to understand why Jane had started drinking to cope.

Maura sat up and reached out for Jane but she flinched away. Maura was shocked to see her lover in such a distress. Her heart ached for Jane so she tried again.

"Jane, honey" she started and stroked Jane's left cheek. "It's me, Maura. Everything is fine. Shhhh..." Jane looked at her like a dear in the headlights and suddenly snapped back to reality. She struggled to sit up but failed. It was frustrating and hurtful to see your lover struggle to regain control back over her body, so Maura took the opportunity and pulled Jane, as well as she could, into her lap and started to rock her gently.

"Everything is okay baby, I'm right here and you are okay." Maura whispered into Jane's ear. Jane slowly came down from her nightmare and let Maura take control over this whole situation. Now she was to exhausted and afraid to feel embarrassed. After several minutes of gentle whispering and soothing sounds Maua noticed that Jane's breathing had evened out. She was asleep again. Maura took a deep breath and sighed. She didn't want to move not to disturb Jane now snuggled up against her chest, so she decided to just sit here and make sure Jane had at least a little of a good night's sleep.

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The next morning when Jane woke up she felt a little relaxed but also very sore. She hadn't noticed why until she stretched and noticed. She had slept half on her side half on her back leaned against Maura's chest. She had no idea how both of them had ended up in this position but then it suddenly doomed her. She has had a nightmare previous night. _Crap_ she thought. _Now She knows._ Jane tried to sit up without disturbing a still sleeping Maura but since her accident and her paralysis it was hard for her to move around unnoticed. So a simple task, like sitting up in bed took Jane more effort than she would acknowledge. So when she had managed herself in a sitting position she knew she would wake Maura on her way out of bed. She took a look at the bed side clock. _Shit after 10 a.m._ She slowly lifted the covers to look if she had leaked, like she now called it. It just had happened one night, well the second one she was finally at home. That evening she had drunk herself into oblivion and Maura hat got her to bed. Unfortunately both of them, well Jane wasn't able anymore, had forgotten to empty her bladder. So Jane had woken up the next morning in her own piss. She had sworn herself this wouldn't happen a second time. Even if she would drunk herself into what ever again she would definitely empty her bladder.

So now it was after 10 a.m. and Maura was still asleep and she didn't want to wake her up but she knew she definitely needed to get into the bathroom for her morning shit. She sighed and struggled to get out between Maura's legs but it was desperate. Her first move woke Maura from her slumber. She cursed silently and turned around to a now blinking and still sleepy Maura. Jane smiled at her sheepishly as the honey-blonde stretched and tried to stifle a yawn.

"Good morning baby." said Jane and lifted her legs from the bed to position herself for her wheelchair-switch. Maura smiled at her and grabbed her wrist as if to stop her from getting out of bed.

"Stay." was her response but Jane only took Maura's hand and kissed it. "I have to pee Maur. Or else..." she trailed off and gestured to her crotch. Maura chuckled slightly and nodded for Jane to leave for her morning routine. When Jane wheeled herself from the bedroom Maura looked after her an sighed. She definitely needed to talk to Jane.

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When Jane sat on the toilet with the Foley catheter in her left hand she sighed. She had it managed to get on the seat without any problems and then her right hand had started trembling. It wasn't the first time since she was at home that trembling or even spasms hat occurred. She made a fist and opened her hand again to relief some of the built up tension but the trembling wouldn't stop. So she leaned back, closed her eyes and took a deep breath. _Everything is fine, it's just some weird spasm. Nothing is wrong _she tried to convince herself.

If it wasn't the spasms or the slight trembling it was headaches like she had never had them before, also a new side effect due to her brain injury. Like every other abled person Jane had her good days and those that weren't, well , quite so good. As she sat on the toilet, trying to get over with her every morning routine she decided that it wasn't any good day today. When she glared at the small watch next to the bathroom mirror she decided that she had to hurry up before Maura would get suspicious. She sighed opened her legs and insert with trembling hand the Foley. I'm so glad that I can't feel any of that she muttered under her breath and was relieved when she heard her urine leave the catheter. She withdrew it and grabbed the enema and cleaned her bowels.

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Meanwhile Maura had poured Jane a cup of coffee and waited for her to come down. She knew Jane needed round about thirty minutes to get over with everything in the bathroom. A gaze to her watch told her that Jane was now over thirty minutes in there. But she hadn't heard any curses or strange noises from the bathroom, so she decided not to go up and look.

On the second morning, after Jane's homecoming, Maura had stepped into the bathroom with the attempt to help Jane. The sight of Jane sitting on the toilet fumbling with the catheter and the enema nozzle was almost comical if it hadn't been Jane. She had been not so politely been kicked out by her lover and so she had learned not to interrupt or disturb Jane. She remembered the conversation between Jane and Stephanie and smiled. Jane had almost begged her to properly show her how to get over with this whole "shit" like Jane used to call it. So they had practiced almost a whole day the entering and extraction of a Foley and giving enemas. She smiled at Jane's words entering her memory. _I gave myself so many enemas today I don't think I need to shit for a whole week._

She leaned back against the counter and took a sip of her coffee. When she heard the click of the lock from the bathroom door she sighed in relief. She looked up the stairs and saw Jane wheeling to the lift. She didn't look well, but how could she after that night. Maura had been surprised to be so fit after watching half of the night Jane trashing around in her arms.

The lift had reached its destination and Jane switched in her Red Sox chair. Maura noticed the sheen of sweat on her forehead but pushed away the urge to ask if something wasn't right. She trusted Jane would confine in her. Maura grabbed the other mug and handed it over to Jane. The brunette took it grateful and smiled at Maura.

"Thank you Maur." she said and took a sip. A smile crept up her face every time she had her morning coffee, there was no functioning without it.

"You're welcome honey." replied Maura and run her hand through Jane's unruly curls. She sighed and stopped. It was now or never.

"Now I know why you did it." she said silently. Jane hadn't almost heard what she had said but looked up and meet a loving but concerned expression. She frowned not really knowing what Maura meant but suddenly it doomed her. _The_ _drinking. The nightmare... shit_.

Jane looked away and started fidgeting with her fingers. She placed the mug on the counter and started to wheel away when Maura stopped her and kneeled down at her side to meet her lovers gaze on the same level.

"You promised." Maura whispered into Jane's ear and squeezed her hand. Jane blinked a few times and met her gaze. She looks so defeated, Maura thought as she looked into those beautiful but pained eyes. She tried again.

"You promised me Jane. You promised me you would..." but Jane cut her off as she placed her left index finger on Maura's beautiful rosy lips.

"I know." she gulped and pushed away the returning pictures of her nightmare. The most nights when she had had her nightmares they had been forgotten by the morning or even if she remembered some scrapes they always were incoherent. But not those from last night. The fog of every days booze had lifted and the pictures had come crashing down on her like reality. She took a deep breath and exhaled shakily.

"It was you." Jane whispered and looked down on her once again trembling hand. _Hopefully she doesn't notice._ Jane cleared her throat and looked up into concerned eyes.

"What do you mean by 'It was you'?" Maura asked not quite following Jane's thoughts.

"It was you, in the crash..." Jane's voice faded and Maura noticed the single tear that rolled down her lovers cheek. Her heart went out for Jane but also broke at the sight in front of her.

"Oh Jane." she said and embraced her. "Is this... was this...?" she didn't know how to ask, but Jane understood anyway.

"It's been the second time I dreamt it was you..." she paused, sniffled and brushed away the single tear. "But it's the first time you died." Her voice was almost childlike and Maura held her, showing her that she hadn't been in that horror crash and that she hadn't left Jane.

"I'm here." she whispered in Jane's ear and kissed her cheek. "I'm right here."

Jane only nodded and tried to fight off the overwhelming dizziness and nausea that started to built up.


	6. Chapter 6

**Another one. Not really happy with it. Let me know what you think of it. Oh and I have an idea for another story, a little bit like the lucky one... Enjoy**

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Chapter 6

After her confession about the dream Jane wheeled over to the couch and shifted out of the chair. She had been impressed with herself in what a short time she had learned how to be as independent as possible. The only thing she needed a little help with was either the tub or the shower and if she tried to reach higher cupboards like those in the kitchen. Maura had suggested a standing frame but Jane first wanted to go to a medical center for walking training and other movement training. And Maura granted her that wish. In less than a week Jane would have an appointment for her first session. They've had locked over Jane's files and where quite positive to get her on her own two feet in maybe a year with hard training. Jane had been overjoyed when she had heard that but Maura still was skeptical. Spinal cord injuries were so unreliable.

Jane ran her hands over her face and took a deep breath. Where did that nausea and the dizziness come from? She shook her head and glanced over to the clock on the wall. It was ten to eleven p.m.

Dr. Zimmermann wouldn't be here until afternoon and she felt like hangover after a heavy party night. She was a little afraid that the tremors, dizziness and nausea came from her brain injury and that there would be a setback. Maura had told her that within one out of seven patients with a traumatic brain injury there had been setbacks noted. Not quite like shortly after the incident but severe enough. Severe enough for some to be listed as handicapped or disabled. And she was handicapped enough already.

Maura settled next to Jane and ran her fingers over the place where the doctors had opened up Jane and shaved her hair. It had grown back since to a soft fur. Maura had noticed that something else was wrong with Jane but she had promised her not to push it. So she just stroke her hair and waited for Jane to say something. Maura noticed the slight trembling in Jane's right hand and grabbed it. Jane didn't flinch away she just took a deep breath and slouched her shoulders.

She avoided Maura's gaze she felt on her. She was to ashamed to afraid sight now to look into her lovers eyes. Instead she started talking.

"I have this trembling and dizziness since yesterday evening and I feel like I could puke." she said in a childlike tone. She waited for Maura to ramble down her medical stuff, that it wasn't uncommon after such a severe head injury, that maybe she overdid it and should take it easy to get properly healed. But she said nothing she waited for Jane to continue. Jane didn't know what to think of that and looked Maura in the eyes. What she saw was so much more than she could take right now. She saw sorrow and hurt, but also anger and disappointment, love and compassion but what shocked Jane was that she saw understanding. Maura understood.

"It has nothing to do with your head Jane" she said and caressed her cheek."It's the withdrawal." Jane took her hand and started to protest, wanted to tell her that this couldn't be. How so with only some beer every evening and in such a short time. But Maura silenced her with a finger to her lips.

"I found your empty Jack Daniels bottles in your gym room, Jane." Her eyes went wide and she braced herself for a lecture about drinking in general and drinking with a brain injury. So Jane flinched when Maura let go of her hand.

"It is okay Jane. Well no it isn't really but" Maura started and sighed. "I'm sorry for not being here enough for you. I should have seen it. I should have pushed you more to talk to me and confine in me. Instead you drowned all your sorrows and fears in alcohol so you wouldn't..." but Jane interrupted Maura's rambling.

"Maura, are you kidding me? I drunk my ass of every damn evening to be able to sleep. I am the one to got arrested to have a nice nap in a drunk cell. I am the one who acted like a first-class bitch and you say you're sorry? Do I understand that right?" She was angry. How could Maura think of herself so low. She was the asshole par excellence and her lover who had been nothing but patient tried to apologize for exactly that. Now both of her hands were trembling and she wanted no she needed a drink. Maura noticed immediately and grabbed both of her hands. Jane looked at her bewildered.

"Jane you have to fight that urge. I know you want something right now." Jane only nodded and bit her lower lip. The dizziness hit her like a ton of bricks. It happened all in such a short notice. Maura got up from the couch and hurried over to the kitchen just to get an waste bin for Jane. She knew she wouldn't make it to the guest bathroom. When Jane heaved Maura had set her the bin in her lap and held her hair back.

She rubbed small circles on Jane's back and whispered soothing words in her ear while Jane heaved into the bin. Her heart broke at the sight of Jane, now sweaty and slightly trembling. The withdrawal had hit the home base.

When Jane was ready she sat back and leaned groaning against the cushions and wiped of the salvia and coffee from her lips. Maura took the bin and set it next to the couch.

"I am going to get you a glass of water." Maura said and started getting up but a firm grip on her wrist stopped her from that.

"No please stay." It was a whisper. And it was a plea. It was uncommon for the mainly confident and strong detective.

"Jane I just want to..." but Jane interrupted her and let her head sink into Maura's lap.

"Could you... hold me please?" Jane asked with a hoarse voice. Maura only nodded and stroke Jane's head. She knew Jane didn't feel the uncomfortable position she was lying in but she couldn't watch it either. So she lifted the dead weight of Jane's legs onto the couch and got herself comfortable. In the meantime Jane had started sweating heavily but she had begged Maura to stay. She would get her in the bath later.

They sat there for a while in silence and enjoyed each other's company when Jane broke it.

"The first two nights after we came home were bad. I had woken up several times the night only to see that i still was alive and so were you. I wanted you to hold me so badly but you lay there, peacefully, sleeping like an angel. So I decided not to wake you just to hold me after some fucked up dream I had. I thought I could deal with it myself." Jane sighed and stroke Maura's thigh.

"I knew you hadn't slept much at the hospital. I can hardly imagine how hard it must have been to, well..., yeah see me like that." Maura wanted to say something wanted to take the pain away she heard in Jane's voice but didn't interrupt her. Jane was pouring her heart out.

"So I decided to drink. I had done it after Hoyt and it sort of helped so why not drink again. In oblivion you can't remember. I know it isn't like I experienced something tragic like abuse or rape or I don't know, some things the buddies overseas had seen at war..."

"No Jane, you listen, you listen good. You went through a very tragic accident. Of course abuse, rape and war injuries also lead to PTSD and other mental problems but you Jane you experienced a life and death situation. Well you did die, three times, you crashed but you came back and now you are unfortunately a paraplegic. But what you did experience was as traumatic as other things people can experience. Don't sell that short. And I am more impressed by how you handle yourself." Jane looked up in those loving hazel brown eyes and wiped a tear that had escaped away.

"You managed to get as independent as possible in such a short time, you need nearly no help. You have your toilet alone you dress alone you move yourself around alone. On the outside you seem to have adjusted very well to this situation, but I know and you've shown me by your behavior and your drinking how it looks on the inside. Just please promise me that you won't drink anymore."

Jane turned from her side on her back and looked up only to see so much love and understanding.

"I... " she gulped. "I promise you I stop drinking." She closed her eyes and let the tears flow freely along her temples. Maura leaned down and pressed a kiss on the sweaty forehead. "I know." she whispered and let the former detective morn over the past two month.

After the tears had subsided Maura motioned for Jane to get up.

"What Maura?" she asked weakly and managed herself into a sitting position. The nausea and the dizziness returned immediately and she grabbed Maura's hand to steady herself.

Maura leaned in and kissed Jane's temple. "Hey what about I run you a bath, get you cleaned up and then you lie down for a little bit." she said and got up. Jane wanted to interject but was once again cut off.

"Jane, you are going through withdrawal. I don't know how you managed to hide oblivion drinking from me but you did and you did a great deal of damage in those two weeks." She sighed. "It won't take long but you did drink a lot of hard alcohol, not just beer. So you need to rest. It won't be nice, especially since you seem to suffer of headaches on a daily basis." She looked at Jane as if she waited for an answer but she didn't need one so she just kissed her in the lips and got up to run a bath.

Jane sighed and looked down at her scarred palms, trembling slightly. _What have I done?_ she asked herself and looked after Maura. How could this one person be so supportive after all she had been through. It bugged Jane a little bit that she had been such a self centered bitch in the last weeks. She hadn't even asked Maura if she was alright, if she could adjust to the whole situation, if... She just had drowned her pain and thoughts in cheap whiskey and bottled beer. _So pathetic. You are alive, be grateful._

"Stop punishing yourself."

Jane's head snapped to the stairway but regretted it shortly when nausea hit her. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath.

"How do you...?" she asked Maura and got in her chair. Maura walked over and kissed Jane on top of her head.

"Well Rizzoli, I just know you to well." She crouched down in front of Jane and patted her hand. "You did nothing wrong. You just handled it in a not good way. And I'm fine Jane, as long as you are okay, mentally at least, then I'm fine." She smiled at Jane's pained expression and got up. "Let me get you something for your headache." Jane only smiled and kissed the palm of Maura's hand.

"That would be great. It's killing me." Maura wanted to say that it wasn't possible to die from headaches but changed her mind.

When Jane had emptied her glass, Maura took it from her and set it down on the coffee table. Jane frowned at her action.

"Maura what..." but she was interrupted by her lover lifting her out of the chair.

"Hey Maur, what... let me down, I'm too heavy for you." she said but didn't let go of her. Maura chuckled and started walking off.

"You are not too heavy honey, you lost so much weight in the hospital. And I just want to carry you upstairs, not around the block." she smirked at Jane's blushed cheeks. Jane never had been good with too much attention, but now she at least was Maura's center.

"I could have gotten up there by myself. You didn't have to do that." Jane said when they entered the bathroom. Maura's big tub was filled with steaming water and bubbles. Some candles Maura had stocked for relaxing bath' were lit up. She sat Jane down on the toilet seat and started to walk off.

"Hey Maura" Jane said and she turned around.

"Yes Jane?"

"I..." she looked down at her hands that fumbled with the hem of her shirt. "I don't think I can hold myself up." Maura's heart broke a little at Jane's confession. She hadn't thought of that. _Dumb Maura, very dumb. _

"Oh Jane, I'm so sorry, I haven't thought of that but if you want to..."

"Would you join me?" Jane asked childlike and looked. A smile crept up on Maura's face.

"If you want me to, then I would love to join you." she said and started to undress herself. Jane smiled at what she saw and did it likewise.

When both of them were naked Maura once again lifted Jane up and settled her down in the tub. She had filled it almost completely so that Jane would at least feel it on her upper body. She never let go of Jane and settled behind her and wrapped her legs and arms around Jane.

"Everything comfy?" she whispered into Jane's ear and kissed the tiny spot below it.

"Very" Jane sighed and closed her eyes.

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	7. Chapter 7

**All right guy's here I am once again^^. My life just totally sucks. I passed my chemistry exams last wednesday but math, I'm so worried about, is still to come and I'm kinda freaking out a little because I ain't gotta clue what this is all about. Soooo I thought write a new chapter and here it is. It is my first M rated, so please be kind as always because I have never written a normal sex scene before. As always, enjoy. Mary**

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Chapter 7

"Jane?" Maura whispered into Jane's ear but got no response. "Hey sweetheart." she tried again and nudged Jane's ear with her nose and kissed her neck below. Jane stirred slightly and yawned. Maura smiled. _She's fallen asleep. How cute_, Maura thought.

"We have to get out, the water is getting cold." Maura tried to sit up and Jane groaned.

"Hmmm, Maur, don't move, to comfy..." she rasped and snuggled closer into Maura's embrace. Maur smiled and kissed the top off her head.

"Jane, I'm really sorry but we have to get out now, we can continue on the couch or the bed..." But Jane interrupted her with a chaste kiss on the lips.

"Bed?" Jane asked with a loop side grin on her face. Maura just shook her head and kissed Jane once again. She gasped as Jane played with her right nipple and moaned in response to the arousal that started to built deep down.

"Well," she husked into Jane's ear, as she started to kiss down Maura's neck, "that wasn't what I had thought of. I don't want you to stress yourself out." Jane frowned and kissed Maura again.

"I do indeed feel a little better and I can take something for my headache." Jane winked ad Maura turned around and lifted herself up on the edge of the tub.

Maura was always amazed that Jane had gained so much strength over such short time. At the hospital she had started to get herself around alone after only five days and a casted arm. She knew Jane had always been strong, but her desire for independence and her stubbornness had helped Jane. As Jane sat on the edge and toweled her hair off, Maura had a chance to take Jane's bodily structure in. What Jane had gained on muscles on her torso and arms, she had lost in her legs and bottom. She still had beautiful long legs, not so toned anymore but still beautiful. She also knew that the longer Jane would stay of her legs, she would lose more and more muscle weight. She had seen pictures of long term paraplegics who hat tooth sticks as legs. She knew it wasn't a problem to animate Jane for training at a medical center for paraplegics, so she added a mental note to look for one.

"Maur?"

Maura snapped out of her daze and smiled. "I'm sorry Jane, did you say something?" she asked and stood up. The towel on the rack next to her was wrapped around her and her hair in a bun.

"No, but you seemed a little lost here. Where did you go?" she asked and lifted one leg after the other out of the tub to towel it off. Maura watched and just shook her head.

"Oh nowhere in particular, just thought about the strength you have built up in such a short time." she said and left the bathroom, naked only to return with Jane's chair back and a pair of fresh cloth for each. Jane blushed a little when she noticed that Maura was staring at her.

"Hu, Maur? Would you mind?" she asked a little nervous gazing at the Foley on the sink. Maura followed her gaze and closed her eyes. Of course she had forgotten, once again.

"Oh, yeah, sure. I... I wait in the bedroom for you." she said and left Jane alone. Jane sighed and grabbed the catheter from the sink.

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The sight of a very dressed Maura on a bed let Jane's heart sink a little. She stopped in the doorway and watched Maura with one of her science books in her hands. The first moment Jane had laid eyes on the beautiful doctor she was smitten von head to toe. They had met on a mugging gone wrong in a chilly summer night. Maura had just been assigned the Chief Medical Examiner of the State of Massachusetts. It had been a weird sight when the ME had shown up in a Mercedes SL and dressed for the runway. Jane and her former partner Korsak had just stand dumbstruck next to the dead body and watched Maura make her way over to them. Jane had been hooked up by Maura's appearance but also a little intimidated because she was just a plain Detective and Dr. Isles a high-class ME. Jane smiled a dimpled smile as she recalled this memory. She wheeled herself over to the bed and locked the break.

"What are you smiling at?" Maura asked and dropped her bock in her lap. Jane frowned and shock her head.

"How did you...?" she asked but waved the question already off. "Don't answer."

"Why, you where so lost in your thoughts, you didn't notice that I saw you in the doorway?" Maura chuckled and scooted over for Jane and patted the place next to her. Jane obeyed and switched from chair onto bed. She grabbed her legs and pulled one after the other onto the bed.

"I find it quite amazing how you physically cope with all of this." Maura leaned over and kissed Jane gently on the lips.

"Well, there was some doctor who told me to make the best of this situation." Jane smiled at her an gently caressed Maura's cheek. "Why did you dress?" Jane asked and pulled herself closer to Maura. Maura frowned slightly and set the book on the nightstand next to her. "Why wouldn't I Jane? I thought you wanted to take a nap. We talked about that before bath."

"Hmm, you talked about that Maur." Jane purred into her lovers ear and started kissing her neck downwards. "Way to many clothes" she mumbled and played with Maura's earlobe. The ME moaned at Jane's attempt to seduce her but interrupted her.

"Jane, you have to..." She started but Jane pulled her down in a lying position and propped herself up next to Maura.

"Right Maura, I have to... and you have to help me undress you now" the detective smirked and started to pull down Maura's yoga pants.

"Jane..." Maura said and grabbed Jane's hand but her detective freed herself and pulled the pants down.

"Relax Maur, let me do this. Please, I want to feel you okay and I know you are a very sexual person and I haven't made love with you. So please let me make love to you, okay?" Maura taken aback by Jane's pleading tone blinked several times but nodded.

"Okay..." she half whispered. Jane was right. Since the first time she had had sex with Jane, she had the urge to be satisfied too. But she wasn't sure if Jane wasn't still too self conscious. She didn't want Jane to fell embarrassed that she couldn't be so active in bed like she herself was. So she just threw that thought over board and undressed herself. Jane watching her beautiful ME reveal her nakedness mad her mouth watering. Maura was indeed a very sexy and perfect woman. She had the right curves everywhere and her breasts were just...

"Jane?" Maura asked concerned when she noticed that the raven haired beauty had spaced out on her.

"Huh?" Jane mumbled shook her head and smirked like the cat that ate the canary. Maura started to laugh and pulled Jane up to her. "Could you please get rid of that tank? I would appreciate you at least being half naked too. I don't want you to feel you left out." Maura smiled coyly. Jane laughed and pulled her tank over her head and threw it in her chair.

"Better Dr. Isles?" Jane asked in a seductive tone. Her smirk never leaving her lips.

"Much." breathed Maura as Jane leaned down to kiss her honey blond beauty. She had managed to straddle Maura's lap. Her legs just lay there in betweens Maura's but she didn't care. She didn't need to be comfy. This time it was all about Maura. She kissed her way down on the ME's neck nibbling and biting while Maura caressed her back with her hand's slowly stroking along Jane's upper spine. The detective slowly pushed her whole body down gaining better access to Maura's breasts. The blonde squirmed under the soft touch of Jane's lips on her breasts. While sucking on one nipple she played with the other. Slowly rubbing the sensitive part, heating Maura up. Jane slowly kissed her way down Maura's abdomen taking her time caressing every inch of this precious skin either with her hand or her mouth. The doctor leaned into every touch and gasped each time Jan's lips found her way onto the so sensitive flesh.

When Jane reached the pubis mound she stopped and looked up to Maura who was breathing labored. She smirked and kissed the inner of her thighs and licked her way up again.

"Jane..." she breathed but let her head fall back into the pillows. Jane chuckled silently and dove in again. When her tongue made contact with Maura's vulva the honey blond groaned and bucked into Jane's mouth, craving for more. The detective licked slowly along her lips and kissed every inch of Maura's sex. She was very careful. She wanted the ME to remember this first time. So she took her time. Slowly licking and nibbling Maura's sex with her tongue and teeth she played until Maura couldn't take it any longer.

"Please Jane... I need you..." she gasped out and bucked again into Jane. She chuckled and looked up to Maura who had thrown her head back, panting with a light sheen of sweat on her body, nipples standing.

"What Maur?" Jane asked playful and nibbled on Maura's clit who in response moaned.

"Please," She gasped and grabbed Jane's hair with one hand while the other took hold of the headboard, knuckles white. "I need you inside me." she gasped with so much need.

Jane grinned and obeyed immediately by pushing two fingers into the over-heated doctor. Maura bucked violently into Jane's hand and groaned.

"Oh yes... Jane... please." It was very sexy seeing the always put together doc begging for release. She speeded up a little and continued licking the wet folds in front of her. To get her better off Jane grabbed around the hip of Maura to push down on her lower abdomen. In response Maura grabbed tighter onto Jane's hair. The detective chuckled and kept her pace up until she felt Maura tighten around her fingers, knowing she would come soon.

With some more licks over Maura's clit and a faster pumping of her now three fingers she pushed Maura over the edge. And what Jane surprised was that her precious doc was a screamer. Jane continued to pump her fingers in and out and ride Maura's orgasm out.

"Wow... that was..." Maura panted trying to calm down her fast beating heart. Jane slowly withdrew her fingers and licked them clean. She untangled herself from between Maura's legs and pulled herself up next to a still breathless Maura.

"Never would have guessed you were such a screamer." she smirked and leaned down to kiss Maura. The doc parted her lips slightly to allow Jane access and to taste herself on the brunettes lips.

"Never would have guessed you as such a talent with your mouth." She gave with a hazy smirk back.

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	8. Chapter 8

**I want you all to know I didn't abandon this story but my life is just very turbulent. So I wanted to thank everyone who is still with me and this story. I hope you enjoy this chapter. It's very Jane-centered. Mary**

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Chapter 8

Fidgeting. Something she rarely did only when she was nervous. And right now Jane was more than nervous. She hated them. Not that there had been an occasion that left her marked but she just didn't understood the efficiency in talking to a shrink. A shrink in God's name. But now she sat in Maura's home office face to face with one of them. She had been to the department psychologist twice, each time after the incidents with Hoyt. She went there for clearance, that she could return to full duty. She had done it to get back to work but work wasn't the highest goal to achieve right now, if it was on the list at all. Maura had called Dr. Zimmermann, a former college student from her time at the BCU. He had German roots and also looked like a typical one. High built, blue eyes, shabby blond hair and sharp features. He was at least six feet tall and weighed about two hundred pounds. He wore a black denim and a white button down , leaving the top buttons open to reveal a tanned and toned chest. He was a good looking man for one in its forties, hardly any wrinkles or grey hair not even reading glasses or other little things one needed above a certain age.

He had his legs crossed and his hands folded in his lap and watched Jane carefully. He sensed her fear and resentment to his kind of profession. But Maura had warned him that Jane was a hard case, barely open towards her. She had told him that she had blackmailed Jane into this whole situation. He knew too well how hard it was for relatives to adjust to those situations. It also was most common for the victims of such tragic accidents to be withdrawn, to reject the loved ones and to turn towards things like alcohol or other drugs, even risky hobbies or self harm. When he had heard that Jane had sought refuge in hard alcohol on a daily basis and even landed in a drunk cell for assault albeit being in a wheelchair he couldn't refuse to consult Jane. And here they sat in silence, each of them wanting the other to start. So Dr. Zimmermann broke the silence first.

"Why didn't you go to rehab but choose to come here to Maura instead Miss Rizzoli?" he asked and caught Jane off guard. She blinked several times and looked a little confused when their gazes met.

"What... umm... what do you mean to Maura?" She wasn't ashamed of her relationship with Maura but she wasn't quite sure if Maura had told him any of their involvement. "And please call me Jane." she added. He genuinely smiled at her. "Only when you call me David. And what I mean is, usually you go to a rehab facility after such a tragic and traumatic event, for both, mentally and physically issues. And from what I heard, you are an incomplete paraplegic since that car accident. So the usual way is to go to rehab and learn everything you need to adjust your new life situation."

Jane flinched at her being called a paraplegic. Something she hadn't had under control, like so many other things she now had lost control off. She sighed heavily and rubbed her thumps over her raised scars. Another habit, he sensed for when she was nervous. He had read Jane's case file and about the incidents with Hoyt. Twice, he thought, had Jane been held captive and was able to be rescued either by a cop or herself. The third time she had finally killed that bastard.

"Well...I.. um.." she paused and sighed "I didn't want to." David waited patiently for her to continue. "I know it is the formal thing to do and I guess it would have been easier and... for Maura and my family but I... I was always alone and had managed everything alone and well since Maura and I are... you know, do you?" she stopped and looked up from her hands. David only smiled.

"What do I know Jane?" he asked and leaned back in the office chair. She smiled shyly.

"Maura and I are... well... we are a couple?" It was more like a question not a statement. A little self conscious, he thought but he pushed further.

"Are you Jane. I don't know if you are." Of course he played dumb, why wouldn't he. He was a psychiatrist after all.

"Yes, we are." she mumbled and looked down on her hands again. "I was over four weeks in the hospital and I just wanted to come... home, well I mean, this is my home now since..." she trailed off and gestured towards the chair. He nodded and asked "but why no rehab?" Usually Jane would have gotten up and started to wander around, that's what she had always done when she felt uncomfortable but unfortunately she couldn't. Anger started boiling in her and she released the breaks and wheeled over to the window.

"Maura was the one who suggested that she could arrange everything for me, my own gym and the whole equipment and the PT and..." she trailed off and let her head fall down in her hands. Her shoulders were now shaking but David only sat there and waited patiently.

"It is just... it is so damn hard to adjust for the time being but I don't know how long it will take or if I ever will be able... I mean I was in a good shape before so the docs at the hospital said that if everything I needed could be arranged, I could go home and learn everything there, built up muscle strength and learn all the daily stuff..." she turned around and looked him straight in the eyes. "You know what I mean." she whispered. Frustration was one thing, Dr. Zimmermann noticed, was the thing that made Jane talking.

"I'm sorry Jane but I don't know what you mean. Lay it out for me." he said kindly and smiled at her. Jane ran her hand through her lose wild curls.

"Stuff like using the bathroom, switching from the chair to whatever, lifting, dressing. Everything that you do daily and what you learned as a child stuff like that!" she now shouted angry, glaring daggers at the man. He leaned forwards and propped his arms on his knees.

"Do you have any problems with that?" he asked and studied her.

"No. I well... no I don't." she sighed " you don't understand what I mean..." frustration was taking its toll on her. She couldn't get up and pace the room like she had used to.

"Then explain it to me Jane, I'm sure I understand more than you know." he leaned back crossed his legs again and just looked at her.

"I used to be a Detective, for God's sake. I chased down perps, hunt down the lowest scum on earth and now... now I'm only plain Jane in a wheelchair, feeling nothing below my fucking belly button. I can't even control my bladder anymore and have to take enemas to take a shit. " she spit out the last words. " And I can't be the one person Maura deserves..."

Downstairs Maura sat at the kitchen counter and drank her third cup of coffee. Usually she had only that much caffeine when she was at work and needed to stay focused over a case but since Jane's breakdown and revelation of becoming and alcohol addict Maura was on high alert when she entered the house. Her whole life since that accident centered around Jane now. She needed her and she could take a break when Jane was finally better, maybe not physically but mentally.

"Why do you believe that Jane?" he asked calm knowing exactly what her thoughts were. He knew the inner turmoil a new paraplegic had to deal with. His wife had been injured seven years ago during a riding accident. She had broken three vertebras leaving her a complete paraplegic because her spinal cord hadn't been only jammed but cut off. Damage beyond repair. Jane was chewing on her lower lip thinking about how to explain it to him.

"I simply just can't" she choked on her words trying not to break down in front of a shrink, she couldn't let that happen. It was humiliating enough to talk to such a person as an abled-body person but as an disabled person it was even harder. He had to try different when he saw her eyes water still trying to hold her composure. So he leaned forward and took hold of her hand. When she didn't withdraw her hand hey laid his other hand on top.

"I know what you are going through Jane, trust me I know." he sighed looked down on her legs squeezed her hand and looked up in confused eyes. "Seven years ago my wife had a riding accident. The horse threw her off and she fell on a branch. She broke three vertebras but unlike your spinal cord hers wasn't just jammed it was cut off. She will never walk again. I have been trough her turmoil. I sat like Maura weeks next to her hospital bed and prayed, not only to God but also to her not to give herself up. She wanted me to leave her because she thought she was damaged goods now." Jane's eyes had grown while she listened to David's explanation about Christine's rehab and the following month' at home. How difficult it had been for her to adjust to the new life and for him to see her struggling with everything. How she had tried to push him away, she even had filed for a divorce, but he had refused to leave her and to support her in every way.

"She now works for a law firm as an IT consultant. And our daughter Helen brings us joy every day." Jane smiled at his last comment.

"Don't give yourself up Jane, with hard work you maybe achieve the mobility and feelings in your legs back and be able to get back to your old job. And if it doesn't you can work as a consultant for the police or get an PI firm." Jane chuckled slightly and smiled at him.

"But I feel so empty apart from the motionlessness below my belly. I just want to crawl out of my skin and run away or turn back the time, just to be normal again." tears started to roll down her cheeks which she wiped angry away.

"Jane it is perfectly normal to feel like this shortly after such a tragic event. Nobody and I mean nobody can expect from you to adjust just like that. May I make a suggestion?" he asked and Jane nodded.

"I will tell my wife from you maybe you two could meet each other and well talk to another. I mean I am the psychiatrist but she has the same predicament. Can I give her your number?"

Jane thought about it for a moment looked down on her folded hands and sighed. "Maybe it wouldn't be a bad idea." was all she said. He smiled nodded and got up. Jane followed him down the hall. "I will call you for the next appointment and let Christine know about your story." Jane shook his outstretched hand and said her goodbye. Maura waved hers from the couch and focused on Jane wheeling over to her. She wanted to say something but Jane was faster.

"Thank you." was all she said, switched from chair to couch, arranged her legs and kissed Maura.

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